12 Qualities to Look for in a Potential Mate

February 27, 2010

Let's face it, a Christian woman who is deeply devoted to submitting to the Lord in all areas of her life will look for a potential mate who is equally as devoted. The problem lies in what does that look like? What does it mean to be devoted to Christ? We all know that we should never date or marry someone who is not a believer, but does it just stop there? Does 2 Corinthians 6:14 stop at salvation or does it go beyond a simple statement of faith...

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

In my personal experience, I have met many young men who profess Christ, yet live to please themselves, not our Savior. I personally fell short in this area before the Lord showed me my sin, but the issue remains...there are many young men who fall into the James 2:19 category: "You believe there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder." So, how can you weed through the mass of professing Christian men when looking for a potential mate? To this end, I have dissected Titus 1:5-9 for the purpose of uncovering the essential traits in a godly man. Please consult Scripture for the Holy Spirit to speak to you about this passage. The six traits are as follows:

1. "An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife,

(Does he have a wandering eye? Is he committed to pursuing you alone, forsaking all others until your courtship either ends in marriage or separation? Does he struggle with pornography or lustful thoughts? I assume he does. If so, does he take the necessary steps to protect his mind and the purity of the woman in his life? Is he a man who you undoubtedly respect and can trust completely? How does he treat his mother and sister(s)? Does he have a servant's heart toward them or does he expect them to serve him?)

2. a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.

(As a single man, are spiritually younger, male believers edified by having a relationship with him? Does he lead younger men in discipleship? Is he committed to being a leader in purity when it comes to younger men, holding himself and them accountable to God's Word?)

3. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless,

(Is he committed to purity and holiness? The natural conclusion from this passage is that all men are the spiritual leaders of the women in their life. Does he lead by example? Does he even know what the Word says in order to lead you?)

4. not overbearing,

(Does he lead in a way that makes you want to follow? Does he have a gentle, humble, understanding leadership style that makes others want to be around him? Is he enjoyable to be around in general? Does he lead with a kind spirit? Do spiritual mentors approve of him and his style of leadership over you?)

5. not quick-tempered,

(Is he quick to react when disrespected or offended? Is he quick to forgive? Does he hold grudges and allow situations to fester or does he resolved issues when they happen? Along the same lines, is he passive aggressive? Does he try to scoot arguments or conflict under the rug or does he deal with them appropriately and maturely? Is he committed to taking the log out of his own eye?)

6. not given to drunkenness,

(Does he pursue forms of altering his mood (not just alcohol)? Does he believe and agree with what the Bible states clearly about drunkenness? Does he attend parties where unbelievers or believers are drinking? Does he think lightly of being an unbiblical witness for Christ in front of unbelievers? This is an area where he needs to be following the Word. The other areas are subject to growth, but this is an area where you need to think very carefully about the habits he is cultivating, particularly in front of unbelievers.)

7. not violent,

(This is self-explanatory. Please do not date or consider marrying someone who has or is prone to violent tendencies.)

8. not pursuing dishonest gain.

(This part of the passage historically deals with individuals desiring to be pastors or elders for the purpose of gaining wealth or status. But, in practical terms, does he overemphasize wealth? Does he work to glorify God, support his family, and lead others in his work environment to Christ, or does he work to obtain wealth or status? Generally, does he store up treasures on earth or in heaven (See Luke 12:13-21 for the Parable of the Rich Fool)?

9. Rather, he must be hospitable,

(Does he treat strangers with respect and kindness? Does he make people feel welcome and comfortable? Is he genuinely interested in the needs of those around him or his own? Is he selfish with his things or willing to give his life and his things away? Does he have an attitude of appropriateness in any given situation, knowing when to hold his tongue in front of people? Does he know how to give you and others around him an appropriate compliment?)

10. one who loves what is good,

(Does he hate what is evil and love what is good? Does he care for the purity and holiness of those around him and gently reprove those of his friends who fall into sin? Does he care for the things of God and for the Kingdom while putting off the world and its lusts? Is he actively sharing the Gospel with those around him, seeking for others to be saved?)

11. who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.

(This is important!!! Is he controlling the direction of the relationship physically, not allowing any sexual sin to enter the relationship until marriage? Does he protect your heart and your walk with the Lord by protecting you from sin? Is he in control of his passions? Is he disciplined with being in the Word? Does he have a clean and disciplined house and lifestyle? Is he disciplined with his work? Food? Health? The list goes on and on. Does he watch inappropriate movies? Is he sound in speech? (Note: Since the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart, if he never talks about spiritual things, guess what is not in his heart...) Is he late to things? Is he pursuing you with open intentions?)

12. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught,

so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." (Does he know sound doctrine to be able to teach you? Girls, this starts with YOU! You must know sound doctrine to know if he knows it. Is he growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ? Is he actively seeking guidance from spiritual leaders? Does he properly understand the roles of men and women and the symbolism of marriage? Has he learned to be a Bride (meaning does he actively submit to Christ's authority and headship in his life)? Does he have men in his life who actively keep him accountable and does he continually seek their counsel? IS HE TEACHABLE? Girls, if you find a teachable, godly man, don't look back. Can he, with gentleness, refute error? Does he even know when he is being confronted with heresy? Again, this begins with you, girls.

WOW! I know that is a lot. The man of God's choosing will be fostering these qualities. No one will ever master all these qualities, but he should be actively pursuing them in his life. Now, I am not saying that we should nit pick every inch of your guy and dump him if he doesn't have all the qualities (except for number 1), but I am saying that you should know what to look for. After all, we all fall short. That is why we desperately need Christ. However, if he is not continually looking more and more like Christ throughout your relationship, you should pray about walking away from the relationship.

Along the same lines, as the woman in the relationship, we should be actively pursing Christ-likeness in these areas. There are other passages which are designed for women that I will discuss in future posts, but this is a great start.

Have a beautiful evening ladies!

xoxo,

Ashley

Are you a dog (or a cat :/)?
February 25, 2010

Funny question, I know. But, it's one that deserves some thought. Tonight, as I was putting my dog, Huni, in her bed for bed time, I reflected on how wonderful of a puppy she is. Huni was given to our family after she was found in the parking lot of a church...abandoned. She was very skinny, had a skin disease, and had (obviously) been severely beaten. She is the best dog someone could ask for, except that she is a little stinky sometimes (lol) but I guess that is her owner's fault.

The one amazing thing about Huni is that she is a pleaser. When you approach her, she bows down (mostly because she is afraid of people) and she leans over on her side and sort of cowers before you EVERY SINGLE TIME you approach her. You would think that after, I don't know, thousands of times of approaching her, she would understand that I love her and am not going to hurt her. But, she doesn't. She is extremely reverent. Along those same lines, while she is afraid of people, I have seen Huni become very defensive of her family. She gets upset when strangers come into the house and start jokingly roughing someone in the house. She would defend us despite her intense fear, and that's why I love her.

On the other hand, you have Mini...our cat. Mini is a princess. Every morning at 7:00am, she sits at the door and meows until you let her out. She walks around like she owns the place, goes in and out of the house, abuses her welcome, and straight up rejects me when I call her (even though I'm going to pet her!!).

Now, the question remains...are you a Huni or a Mini? Do you bow in worship and reverence to the Lord Jesus? Do you fear, yet love Him? Do you do as much as you can to defend Him even though you fear what people will think of you? Or do you roam around like the world revolves around you? Do you go to and from your house and work, thinking it more of an imposition than a blessing that you have a house or a job? Do you assume you should be fed (blessed) or are you happy and joyful when your Master gives you something? I fall short in all of these ways. Too many times, I act like a cat, not a dog before my Master. I don't lovingly fear Him. I expect from Him, forgetting all too often that He has given me all I need for life and godliness through His death and resurrection and through His Word. "Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." Proverbs 31:31

Precious Jesus, please help myself and anyone reading this treat you as though you are to be feared and loved. Help us to give you the reverence you deserve with a thankful heart. We love you and want to please you.

xoxo,

Ashley

Buckle
February 23, 2010

The other day, I went to the mall with my little sister. She loves the store Buckle and I must admit that I like some of the interesting clothes they have there. Their jeans fit really well. Anyways, the enormous wall of brand new swimsuits caught my eye as my sister browsed the racks looking to something to spend her new Christmas gift certificate on. One of the swimsuits, in particular, grabbed my attention. You can see it to the right. It's a little difficult to read, but on the right, you can see a large cross. On the left, you can barely see the word "Sinful" (The clothing company's name). Ok, I'm not gonna lie... When I saw this, I had a minor panic attack in my heart. I though to myself "How is it that Satan has so cleverly aligned the word 'sinful' (the exact polar opposite of the Cross) with the Cross itself?" And, more importantly, how is it that in a culture where upwards of 80% of Americans align their religeous beliefs with Christianity, this is OK? How is it that no one has seen this or freaked out? I assume the answer to that is that the majority of "Christian" women do not see an issue with this. For me to say it genuinely upsets me to see this probably labels me as a legalist or a fundamentalist...and so be it. That's not the case, but oh well. Christ is not sinful. The cross is not sinful. It was the only pure thing that has ever been, and I would charge us as women to think before buying clothing from a store that sells clothes which so severely disdain the Cross. I personally had to tear myself away from an adorable hoodie because I simply could not purchase something from that store on principle. Believe me, this was difficult...the hoodie was cute. But, Christ is more important than a hoodie or nice clothes. Christ deserves our reverence. Let's show Him some, sisters. =)

P.S. I'm not gonna lie, Target is amazing. Let's shop there. Plus, they are super affordable. Clothing that glorifies Christ and prices that glorify Christ. How much better can it get?!? lol.

xoxo,
Ashley

Introduction to Sweet Aromas
February 23, 2010

Hi Everyone!

I am so excited to begin this blog. I pray the Lord would bless all those who are encouraged, convicted, or sanctified through it. Recently, I have noticed a lack of discussion on topics relating to young Christian women's issues. As a young Christian woman myself (I am 24 years old), I have seen the prolific amount of mixed views from all sides on what it means to be a modern woman. Even within the church, there are varying views on women's issues. I hope that as we cut through the differing views, we can come to a clear understanding together of what Biblical womanhood is and how to become a God-fearing, fruit-growing young Christian woman by the power of the Holy Spirit. Throughout this journey, I will tackle a spectrum of issues relating to young women. As we discuss them, keep in mind that I am not coming from any particular point of view. For many of these issues, I myself have very little knowledge of what the Bible says. So, let's learn together from the ultimate teacher: Jesus Christ. As we do, I pray we all would grow into the woman who God intends for us to be.

Note: This blog seeks to provide a biblical foundation on various topics for young, unmarried women, between the ages of 16-24, on the lifestyle that Christ has called us to, in order to live as an accurate representative of the ressurected Christ, our Savior, and to spur one another on toward holiness by the power of His Spirit. As a note, Scripture is sufficient for godliness, so in all cases consult Scripture. I do not seek to add or subtract from any part of the Word of God. In all cases, go to Scripture and hold what I say accountable to the living Word of God. My posts, in no way, are a set of rules to live by. They are my personal reflections on the life that I believe Christ has called us to as young women. That being said, pray for the Spirit to convict and guide you in your individual walk with the Savior. In no way am I promoting a legalistic standard of living. I am however, asking to to look at all viewpoints expressed through the lense of "How can I most glorify my Savior who satisfied the wrath of God that I justly deserve?" With that, I hope my blog blesses you. But beware, radical viewpoints will follow! :)

xoxo,
Ashley